We’re avowed fans of creepy creatures here at Dirge — from classic cryptozoology to cases of mass panic to painstakingly-crafted skeletal replicas — but who ever said that such creatures can’t also be cute? Certainly not Choly Knight, an Etsy entrepreneur who specializes in the creation of adorable plush creatures. Knight doesn’t just sell these little beasts, however; she also sells patterns so you can try your hand at monster-making. Personally, my inarticulate gibbon hands are ill-suited for needlework, but that doesn’t mean I can’t admire these stupid cute critters and dream of nimbler digits.
The following patterns are available individually, but also in themed sets. This is great news for the consumer — like pretty much everything, they’re less expensive bundled — and also great news for me, at least insofar as organizing an article about them goes.
You remember cryptids. These are the supposedly real creatures that are merely undiscovered by modern science. As a skeptic, I have my doubts about the existence of these beasts — except the giant squid which TOTALLY EXISTS YOU GUYS — but these are all goddamn adorable. Tell me you don’t want that little hairy hominid’s stumpy little arms around you and carry you off like you’re Albert Ostman. Further, you can add horns and ears to your Bigfoot, fins to your Nessie, or a meaner face to your pocket-sized kraken.
Hey, a dragon and a phoenix!
The theme here is critters from myth and legend that no one’s expecting to encounter out in the wild. Notably, this is one of the only times I’ve ever seen a depiction of a Peryton outside the works of Jorge Luis Borges. Aside from the basic versions you see above, the kit also includes instructions to help you transform your unicorn into Pegasus, alicorn, or hippocampus, and to transform your spiky Western dragon into a majestic, antlered Asian dragon.
This trio of critters hail from Japanese folklore and mythology. The kitsune can be made in two versions: the traditional, nine-tailed ghostly version, as well as a standard fox. The water demon kappa comes with its favorite food, a cucumber. The tanuki, the Japanese racoon dog, is represented here as a literal ball of fluff, and there are, regrettably, no instructions to equip the tanuki with his trademark enormous testicles.
Every once in a while, Choly Knight will post a free pattern on her website. You won’t be able to make any of our monstrous friends from above this way, but there are still a few creepy creatures you can download and create free of charge.
I normally strongly prefer my kittens to be living, but these Dia de los Muertos beebs are a notable exception.
Unlike Popobawa, you wouldn’t mind if you discovered one of these sneaking into your bed at night. These are the cutest geedee children of the night you’re likely to encounter, and their wings are big enough to wrap around their little bat bodies. SELF-SNUGGLING BATS. ARE YOU MADE OF STONE.
All images owned by Choly Knight.